Now I can’t tell you exactly when I started hating the Bruins – I think it was just something I adopted over the years. Maybe it was the fact that I disliked proto-power forward Cam Neely, that they stole away ‘knuckles’ Nilan and ran him ragged, or maybe I couldn’t stand that they signed one of my favorite goalies of all time back in the 90s – Andy Moog…

Sorry Pat. That was blasphemy...

All I can tell you is, over the years I’ve grown to dislike the Bruins more and more every year. Up in my neck of the woods, there aren’t too many B’s fans. Perhaps its due to the large number of Franco-Ontarians in the area, or its close proximity to the self proclaimed centre of the hockey universe, Toronto (more like the sucking wound, or smelly arse-hole.) But after last year’s performance, a few more fans have popped out of the woodwork. Have they removed the paper bags off their heads, stepped out of the closet and embraced who they truly are?

I don’t know, and I don’t care. True fan or fairweather fan, if you sport the Black and Gold, I hate you and the team you support. The sad thing is, they start young too.

He may be cute - but he's evil!

This is my friend Aaron. He and his wife just had a bouncing baby boy last week, and I couldn’t be happier for the two of them. The child is going to have a great upbringing because the two of them are absolutely great people. Then I saw this, and now I don’t know what to think any more.

Then it dawned on me… he named the boy… Cameron. At first I thought – hey that’s a great name. I know a few Cameron’s and they’re pretty good guys. Then the hamster started turning the wheel in my head and the light went on and then… Cam! Uh-oh.. seriously?

I think this may be the first baby I am forced to hate. I’ve sent a care package to reverse the damages… I hope its not too late.

See. Look how HAPPY this kid is.

I’ll have to check in on them tonight to see how they’re doing. Perhaps the fever will pass and everything will be back to normal. Perhaps that case of Tim Thomas-itis won’t progress into that terminal disease called Neely-ism. Either way, there’s going to be a long road to recovery. I hope he’ll pull through and be the inspiration for all babies suffering all over the world.

That’s right, Habaneros – I care. I care about the children.

Oh yeah, and about that game tonight – Habs 3-1 for the win. I consulted some expert opinion on this, but I wanted to be a bit more cautious.

DA HAABBSSSS... 42, BAH-STAN... ZIP - If coach Gainey laces up da skates... Habs 200, BAH-stan zip.

Our boy Jaro Halak is expected to start tonight, so let’s give him all the help he can get so we can get a leg up on our hated rivals. With the way the new guys have been putting the puck into the net lately, we could see a 42 goal win…

Here’s to being optimistic.

FROMAGE! Take a picture - you won't see this face too often.

Tell them how you REALLY feel, Pat.

Good riddance.

Last I checked, a team has players unified for a common goal. When you introduce personal needs and desires, you begin to lose sense of roles and duties. I believe we have a problem amongst some of our young Habs. Some feel they are an integral part of the machine, and this sense of entitlement clouds their judgment. Face it, Sergei – even Putin is doing the Russian equivalent of the facepalm after the public demands.

Ugh, this boy. He is smart like goat.

That takes balls – seriously. How many people have gone up against Gainey (one of the most revered Habs in the modern age) and won? Like seriously won, where hey have forced his hand and made him cave to their demands. Not a single one. In fact, if memory serves me correctly, he’s already felled the dreams of 3 other Russians looking to walk amongst the hallowed Habs greats. Sure, Gainey may not be well liked amongst the media and critical fans, but there’s one thing you don’t do to your team, and that is bite the hands that feeds. At this point, our friend is now sitting in suspended animation – unable to play for Hamilton and unable to play for Montreal. So instead of taking his frustrated forward show down to the AHL while his agent orchestrates a deal in some manner, he goes on the record and sprays shit everywhere like a spoiled dog who is left home alone while his master is out.

Darth Gainey speaks the truth.

Its all about receiving attention. Fragile egos need it. Weak characters crave it.

Well, if there’s any gift that Sergei will receive in the near future, you can bet it will be one of two things. A plane ticket to Siberia, or a chunk of humble pie.

This pie looks great, but will probably make you sick - like Kostitsyn

Pack your bags, Sergei. You’ve worn out your welcome. Maybe you can learn from your elder countrymen and get some tips on swindling North American teams out of money from Yashin. Oh, and tell Perezhogin that Drew Stafford says hello.

When he comes back, I'm going to knock his head clean off his shoulders and back to Russia.

I wrote an article about Carey Price a few months back, just shortly after the Habs made their exit in the playoffs. People were jumping on his back and calling for a trade and all this mumbo jumbo about how terrible he was and that he was no longer the star of the future and so on and so forth. (You can read it here at Associated Content)

Jeez… gimme a break. The kid is in his second year, under the media spotlight and in one of the worst cities for public criticism in hockey. If that wouldn’t make you collapse, I don’t know what will. It would be enough to drive me to drink, or do something stupid. Either way, if Price was the problem, he would have been shipped out by now. But he hasn’t, and he won’t for a while. He’s a highly regarded prospect in Gainey’s eyes and knowing him as well as we do now – we know he has absolutely no patience for guys who dog it and don’t chip in. I can relate to that, and  I agree with his stance. So this is the focus of today’s post – players who have been in MY doghouse from years past.

I promise I won't shit on the rug again.

.

Remember these guys? Currently they’ve all been relieved (thankfully) of their duties with the bleu. blanc et rouge.

Mike Ribeiro -This lazy forward with the biggest lips in hockey were sent packing (ahem.. diving) to Dallas.
Sheldon Souray – The cement footed defenseman was left to walk after finally pulling his pants up from around his ankles.
Jose Theodore – After years of pulling his hair out over letting in bad goal after bad goal, he was shipped off to the lowest bidder.
Alexander Perezhogin – Mr. “I’m worth more in Russia” should have considered taking up baseball for more of a lucrative payday.
Michael Ryder – When this big dumb Newf figured out how to score, he was already on another team (looks like his career as a garbage man is really taking off.)
Mikhail Grabovski – Third line talent with first line mentality – I thought this was reserved for players who were past their prime and couldn’t let the sport go?
Patrice Brisebois – Bruce Springsteen wrote ‘Glory Days’ for this guy - they past him by just like opposing skaters did nightly.

Currently, there’s a few dogs on the team right now that I’d like to see put down (I think I’m going to regret using that metaphor later…)

Ryan O’Byrne – People who know me personally know how much I dislike him. He’s a younger, less intelligent version of Hal Gill. If you’ve ever had Gill on your team, you understand my frustration.

which leads me to:

Hal Gill – I’m not exactly sure where this guy fits in to the system. We replaced all our power forwards and energy line guys with 30 goal scorers, which would mean we’re looking for speed and mobility, and then we bring down the average by signing this lumbering redwood tree. My guess is they’re going to place Gill behind Carey Price to force him not to play so deep in the net, and as insurance to stop errant pucks from going in. (He’s our Mr. Sieve)

Georges Laraque - Sure he’s tough, sure he’s French, but he’s NOT a contributor to the play or an energy line guy. I love the guy when he’s fighting and banging, but I don’t like when he’s wheeling aroud the net looking for garbage goals. I’m worried that his personal attempts to become a rehabilitated scrapper may soften his hands and his style, and negate the main reason why we have him out there in the first place. He was given a gift – and that gift is to break faces, not score goals.

Now things could change this season and some of these guys may not be in the dog house for much longer. We’ll have a follow up post (a series) as the season goes on. There will probably be some additions to the doghouse, and there may be some strays set free. In a perfect world, all these dogs would be purebreds – but when the expectations are as high as they are in Montreal, there’s a fat chance of that happening.

I may be in the dog house now, but I'll punch my way out if I have to.

Lanny's Stache - like a foxtail stapled to his face.

How many of you recall the 89 Stanley Cup final between Montreal and Calgary, when a veteran Lanny McDonald vowed to retire and shave off his famous flaming red moustache (beard at this point) immediately following the game?

What are you smiling about...

I do. All too vividly. When the Habs were defeated in 6 games to an upstart Flames team coached by a stammering Terry Crisp, I remember feeling humiliated and inconsolable as I wept when the Flames paraded around the Montreal ice hoisting the Cup and whooping it up. (I was 12. Relax…) Through watery eyes, I watched as the CBC cameras caught up to Lanny in the bathroom where he was shaving off the big red tufts of hair from his face while his teammates sprayed him periodically with champagne.

To this day, I still dislike the Flames. And whenever I see Lanny McDonald and his trademark bushy ’stache, I get angry knowing its hiding that shit-eating ‘I went out on top’ grin.

Stop smiling you big jerk...

I had to wait another 5 years before I’d see the Canadiens hoist the Cup again. Its a long time when you have to fend off Boston every single year to get there.